Monday, June 9, 2008

Helpful things I've learned as a mom

One of the best ways to learn about being a parent is to listen to other parents. Here are some of my favorite parenting techniques or ideas. I'm not a genius by any means and I don't think I know everything. Pretty much all of these I learned from someone else and just tried out and found that they worked for us. Of course, all kids are different. :o)

  • When giving directions or asking a child to do something, don't end by saying, "Okay?" Instead, end by saying, "Understand?" Example: Instead of saying, "Take this to your room, okay?" you would say, "Take this to your room. Understand?" This is good because it gets you the acknowledgement you are looking for without seeming like you are looking for the kid's approval or agreement.
  • Instead of saying, "That's not nice," say, "That's not okay." The reason is that the child might not particularly care about being nice right then. It leaves you open for comments like "Well she wasn't nice to me." By saying "That's not okay," you take feelings out of it and just set a standard for behavior instead.
  • Mealtimes: I read a great article once that said something like, "Remember your role at mealtime. Your role is to offer healthy foods in appropriate quantities. It's your child's role to decide what and how much to eat from what you have offered." This has saved me a ton of headache with Maggie, who doesn't care too much about eating. It's not my job to "make" her eat. I just offer the food and she decides what to eat. If she eats all of her bread and doesn't want to eat anything else, that's fine. It doesn't mean I will provide her more bread. She can decide if she's hungry enough to eat the other food or not.
  • Try to offer a lot of choices. This gives kids a sense that they have control over their own lives. It can be hard to be a kid where everything is dictated for you. Like adults, kids need to feel that they have some say-so in the way their lives run. The key is to offer choices on things that don't matter all that much to you. "Which cup would you like to have your milk in?" (I choose the drink while she chooses the cup.) "Would you like to brush your teeth or your hair first?" (I choose the activities, and she chooses the order.) "Would you like to clean up now, or would you like to play for five more minutes and then clean up?" Etc.
  • Similarly, warn kids what's coming next. If you're planning to leave the park at a certain time, give kids a heads-up that they have 10 minutes, then 5 minutes left to play. Imagine you're at the park and you're thinking, "Well first I'm going to slide a few times, then I'm going to chase these kids around over here, then I'm going to climb up on the equipment, and I'm going to save the swings for last since that is my favorite." Now imagine that you only got as far as chasing around the kids when someone says you have to leave. You might be able to see why a kid would throw a tantrum. Giving them a countdown lets them know to go ahead and head for the swings before it's too late. This has saved us many a tantrum.
  • A great phrase I read in Parenting magazine and taught to Maggie is, "You get what you get and you don't throw a fit." This saves us from tantrums over things like which cup she got at dinnertime, who got the biggest piece of cake, etc. Sometimes I even combine this with the warning of what's coming next. I will say, "If there's a juice box left in the fridge you can have it, but if there's not you just need to say to yourself, 'I get what I get and I don't throw a fit.'" I try to help her anticipate times when she might be upset and prepare herself mentally. I also taught her the phrase "Take it in stride." Same idea.

Well those are the ones I could think of for now. I hope they are helpful to someone else as they have been to us! :o)

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